Of COURSE He Wants That Sex Doll

Okay… let’s be serious for ONE second. I see a lot of women calling men all types of things over this sex doll.

I posted an article titled “Mathematician Claims That Intimate Robots Could Make Men Obsolete” on my Facebook a couple of weeks ago and many claimed (mostly in jest) men were ALL cancelled? That makes perfect sense. What person who enjoys sex with people who have penises wouldn’t ride a vibrating dick with pneumatic thrusting power and variable settings. No limp dick followed by, “this doesn’t usually happen to me.” No bad breath or smelly balls. No deep throating someone just to get your outer labia licked in return. The positives are hilariously and sadly endless.

A couple of days ago my good friend Brittney of A Very Social Girl made a post on her Facebook page that may have been the polar opposite of mine. The responses from were vastly different albeit a little hard to compare because the people who were commenting were also different. The general focus was that men who buy this doll are creepy or perverted. The sex toy industry is vastly skewed towards the pleasure of women which I believe is in response to our patriarchal society reserving sexual pleasure, fulfillment, and discovery for men.Men don’t explore women’s bodies. We believe that jack hammer thrusting is the best, if not the only, way to please a woman. We refuse to use our fingers, toys, or engage in any act that doesn’t directly involve the stimulation of our penis. The sex toy industry caters to women because a woman achieving an orgasm is solely her responsibility.

If a man wants the sex doll for $2,100 leave him alone. Stop acting like that’s a lot of money. If he’s not taking women on dates then it’s a smart investment. He’ll get the money back by saving on food, gas, grooming, laundry, haircuts, and other things we spend money on to make women like us enough to open their legs. He doesn’t want your company, companionship, opinions, or anything else you have to offer.

Of COURSE he’s complaining about you not accepting hot boxing in the Wendy’s parking as a date.

Of COURSE you’re a gold digger for wanting a ring that cost more than his PlayStation.

He doesn’t LIKE you!

Most men don’t like women. We only like what you can do to make our lives more convenient. If you’re not fucking, cooking, or cleaning then you have to be pretty enough to impress our friends. Be strong enough to turn down advances from ALL men when they approach you but not so strong you ever reject us for any reason.We’ll go to the ends of the Earth for our male friends and maintain those relationships for decades by being honest and respecting each other’s quirks, pet peeves, personal space, and boundaries. We won’t do that with a woman who has done everything for us without several tests and games at every corner. We don’t even like vaginas! We want vaginas to smell and taste like everything other than an actual vagina.

You’re simply a means to get pussy. You’re a sexual object. A sex doll with opinions and standards he neither wants to hear nor meet.

Let that man be happy with his doll.

Disclaimer: If my inclusion wasn’t enough to make it obvious that I’m a man… I’m a man. There’s no reason to #NotAllMen this post or any post for that matter. Use that energy to check our brothers.

Breaking: Joel Osteen Behaves Like An Average Multi-Millionaire

Last week I was reintroduced to this man named Joel Osteen. I say reintroduced because my prior knowledge of him was just a generic white man with even whiter teeth and flawless, minimal plastic surgery, smiling on the cover of some books. Books titled exceptionally basic shit like, “Your Best Self” or “Reaching Your Dreams” or “Becoming You Now.” I think. I guessing those are titles. I only recall them sounding like the vaguely positive status updates of a white girl you smoke weed for the first and is learning to love herself until the high wears off.

Oh my fucking god... y'all can't be serious.

I Had NO Clue This Man Was A Pastor Until This Week

The moment I found out about his church I was shocked and filled with pride. Black pride. I had NO idea white people also had an ain’t shit pastor. I figured with Creflo Dollar, TD Jakes, and Eddie Long (I forgot he was dead… *sad face*) we had the trifling dudes preaching game on lock. It’s good to see their gentrifying everything. PLEASE tell me they have more! That shit is beautiful! 💜

What I don’t understand is the outrage over his church not welcoming hurricane victims. He’s a millionaire.

Millionaires Don’t Give A Fuck

I get he’s a pastor and all BUT he’s a multi-millionaire. You don’t become that rich and selflessly give out fucks. You know how to become a rich pastor? Simple. Put money before God. Do you think someone can afford a 10 million dollar home if they weren’t able to stomach seeing impoverished children starve on the streets everyday? This man has a tax free business and won’t take any action that will diminish his net worth. If he does ANY good for the community you need to realize it’s because there’s a tax write off involved.

He can’t protect his assets by giving a fuck. Joel could be driving around with a truck full of fucks and he wouldn’t spare even half a fuck. If you were hanging off a cliff and screaming for help and Joel drove by with his 57 metric fucks in the back of his truck you’d lock eyes with each other. Joel would stare directly into your pleading tear filled eyes and you’d look back into his unnaturally perfect face and see nothing. His eyes will lead to the empty abyss that should contain a soul. Beautiful fluorescent white teeth will glisten from the sun reflected off your tears as he gains beauty from your panic. The moment will be brief, however, it will feel like an eternity… because you’re trying to not die. The only thing you need to save your life is for Joel Osteen to give a fuck, just one singular fuck. He may pray for you, he might keep going, or he could potentially offer you some encouraging words. I can’t tell you what he will do but I can tell you what he will NOT do…

Joel Osteen will👏not👏give👏a👏fuck.👏

My First Post And Probably Some Other Shit

Is this necessary? I feel obligated to write a “first post” but I’m not entirely sure if it’s important. I’m not going to say anything particularly profound and I’m kinda just… not even going to finish that sentence. I forgot what I was supposed to say. Y’all doing good? I’m doing good. Actually… I’m not, however, I’m doing so bad I’ve reach a pleasantly apathetic island of mental peace. Maybe a peninsula. Definitely a peninsula. I’m smiling and carefree but the smile is attached to an impending sense of existential dread. Welp, I guess that’s all…. Actually no wait! Look at this shit!

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Pretty cool keyboard, right? Right. The entire pic is awesome. Don’t hate.

Let us discuss this amazing picture I took with my Galaxy J7 and 9 years of camera phone experience.

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